Pensioner fashion

I managed to find some golf gear in the sales that I'm quite pleased with. You know, the kind of stuff I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen in public in outside of the golf club. It's harder than you might expect. Dress codes usually specify “tops must have collars” and “shorts must be tailored” but the subtext is “must be golf brands” and “clothes I personally approve of” where 'I' is some loony old battleaxe committee member.

How often do you ask clothes advice from someone drawing a pension? Would you be caught dead shopping in the same shop as your granny? God bless grannies everywhere but they generally tend to wear things that are appropriate for women of their age, and you especially don't want to take the advice of anyone who doesn't.

So today I was wearing my new Stella McCartney for Adidas top (pictured) and a pair of Golfino slim capris. I did dither about the Stella top for ages, because although it's a golf top and has a collar, it's not a polo shirt and god knows these people don't like their boundaries challenged. Eventually I decided to go with it, because it is a golf top and it has a collar, and if no-one pushed the envelope a bit women would still be wearing corsets and fainting all over the place.

Predictably, my outfit didn't pass without comment, when I heard a very audible “she's not wearing golf wear” in my direction from an ex-Lady Captain, 'she' not being the cat's mother but in fact yours truly. Fortunately I had predicted the possibility of having to defend my choice of attire and so wasn't entirely unprepared for this onslaught. Still, it's extremely galling having to defend what I wear to anyone at all, let alone some old girl who thinks green-and-navy checked elasticated-waist trousers are appropriate ever, anywhere. Thinking about it now, my irritation is only added to when the argument ended at the fact that my top and trousers were 'golf' brands.

On the other hand, the argument did end in my favour (although who knows about the locker room gossip?) so I'm thinking I'll wear the offending articles as much as possible before trying to decide whether there's something else that falls within the letter of the law but as much as possible outside the spirit of it.

Time moves slowly at Marylebone Cricket Club

I've just found out that there is corruption in the Pavillion at the MCC, that proud bastion of upright Englishness, tradition, handlebar moustches, club ties and cricket – and the rot is in the very highest echelons of that august organisation. It has become obvious that the President, Mike Brearley, is actually a dangerous pinko leftie liberal reactionary who has suggested that the dress code for the Pavillion at Lords be 'relaxed'.

I have to admit that although this has only recently come to my attention this isn't new news (The Telegraph, 10^th December 2007) Still, in the context of a club that only allowed women to join less than 10 years ago it would be almost perverse to be up-to-date with its goings-on. With an 18 year waiting list, a young man will be middle-aged by the time he gets in, so seditious revolutionaries had better be playing the long game when they put their names down.

Before you get over-excited, note that this is just a suggestion by the ex-England Captain Brearley, whose reputation for scruffiness appears to nearly overshadow his cricketing career. Apparently one member of his team wore a t-shirt with a rude slogan on! What a damned poor show! Anyway, he's put the idea out for consultation, and I'm amused by how hilariously controversial the whole thing is. On Middlesex internet message boards (didn't know you could type on a computer with a quill pen) there is serious discussion about the implications of people not wearing their club ties. Like Chicken Licken, some people seem to think the sky might fall down.

The reason this cricket thing caught my eye is that there's an analogy to be drawn with golf, which also insists on 'appropriate attire'. The analogy falls down on examination, however, because how many of us are ever going to get invited to Lords by a member of the MCC? It's never going to affect more than a handful of people in an elite circle at an exclusive private members club, and if they choose to wear that disgusting egg-and-bacon tie that's entirely up to them. Your average cricket fan can buy a ticket and wear what he wants, even to Lords: gorilla costumes, Viking helmets; my husband once sat in the stands in his pants.

The golf dress code, on the other hand, is inflicted on every golfer in England who wants to occasionally get his sticks out and have a sunny round. No option, no opt out. The MCC dress code keeps the riff-raff out of the Pavillion at Lords, but the golf dress code keeps 'the wrong sort' out of the sport entirely. A very poor show indeed.

Photo of the Pavillion at Lords from mailliw on Flickr, and check you aren't infringing the Pavillion dress code here.

The wrong kind of people?

What I like about golf is that, at heart, it's a very inclusive activity. There's room for everybody, and a 36-handicapper can play against a scratch golfer and still have fun. Some people take it very seriously. Others like to have a bit of fun. You can play in competitions and matches if you like them, but you can be an occasional hacker if you want.

We've recently had a few new people join our ladies section. They're all very different kinds of golfers. One has brought her old (low) handicap with her from her old club. I'm predicting that she will not only continue to lower her handicap, but that she will come and kick some arse. I'm hopeful that she will kick some of our better players out of their comfort zones, and she'll certainly make some of them fight hard for their places at the top end of the scoreboard.

Another is new to the game. She took it up recently, hasn't yet got her handicap, hasn't played in a medal, but she's been bitten by the bug. I think she's a fighter too, if I'm any judge, and I think she'll be working on improving her golf. But she seems determined to enjoy her rounds irrespective of her score in the meantime.

A third is an occasional player, who's really in it for the fun of it. I think she likes the fresh air, the chat, the exercise, hitting a few balls, scoring a few points. I doubt that she's in it for the competitions and I'll be surprised if she starts playing in the knockouts or matches. She plays often enough to want a membership, but not so often that membership was a no-brainer.

So as I was saying, I think it's great that golf has something for all three of these women, and I'm really pleased that all three of them have come to our club, because they think they'll find a place for their kind of golf there. I really think they will.

If only certain members would stop discouraging them.

I'm annoyed because they've been deliberately discouraged from participating in certain events, by - of all people - the Lady Captain. For some unfathomable reason the Lady Captain thinks that two of these three new members somehow don't belong in one of our major strokeplay competitions. Guess which ones?

It seems to me that too many people try to model golf after themselves. They think other golfers should behave like themselves, and share their attitude to the game. I think the Lady Captain has a very competitive, very serious attitude to golf, and I think she thinks that people who don't share that attitude should stay out of the big competitions. I believe she wants to keep serious competitions for serious golfers who will take it seriously.

That's one attitude to take. The upshot is that one of them now won't play in any medal competitions. The other didn't bother trying to qualify for the strokeplay major because she knows she's not wanted in it. Both of them have been made to feel unwelcome for no good reason.

You're right, I'm not very happy about this. How could you tell?

Am I being naïve in believing that there's room for everyone in golf?

Photo of graffito of Gary Coleman from Different Strokes (geddit?) from florathexplora on Flickr

No-one wants to play in the rain

I skipped golf this week because of the monsoon-like rain. I wasn't the only one, actually: not a soul went out because it's very hard to swim in golf shoes.

Usually I don't mind playing in a bit of rain. I find it makes for a different challenge, and being a member of a golf club means that I can decide after 9 or 13 holes to pack it in because I haven't paid for 18 holes before I went out. Most of the people at my club tend not to play in anything more than a light mist. On the other hand AC grew up playing golf in Ireland so if he didn't play in the rain, he didn't play.

If you grow up playing golf in Thailand you don't have to worry about it, since if it rains it also lightnings, and most people would choose life-and-limb over golf. So Thongchai Jaidee in his prep for the Scottish Open at Loch Lomond, realising there was a strong chance of inclement weather, has been practicing playing in rain gear - in his native tropical sunshine, presumably to some funny looks. (Story from BBC's 606)

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Lots of people don't like playing in wet gear - your swing feels funny, there are annoying swooshy noises when you walk, y0ur pockets are in funny places - it's just uncomfortable enough to put you off, and hard to get used to.

Personally I'm feeling quite smug that I have solved the uncomfortable feeling with better wetgear - I'm currently wearing (not now - when I play) stuff by Cross, which is a woven stretch fabric and so comfortable I wear it when it's not raining as well.

It's a truth universally acknowledged, however, that golf in fine weather is much better.

Photo by Jekkyl on Flickr under the umbrella of the Creative Commons licence

More on the subject of lost balls

I love this story, courtesy of the Beeb, which reports that an occasional golfer who was scoring 7 shots a hole on a corporate golf jolly took a 7-iron to keep the numbers nice and put the ball in for a hole-in-one. He won himself a £15,000 car and then went on to lose 23 balls over the back nine. Perhaps he lost his concentration or something.

Photo from Kapungo's Flickr photostream

On the subject of lost golf balls

The other Saturday I had a net 70 in the competition, with a couple of shockers in there. I was playing well, and I felt like my game was really coming together.

The following round I lost *ahem* golf balls. The round after, another *cough* balls. But at the same time I was hitting some huge, booming drives - longer than I've ever driven before – as long as the best women golfers at my club. My putting has also improved considerably: I'm now carding a good handful of one-putts. It seems I can either 4-point it or fall apart, usually on alternate holes.

Stupid game.

Photo from Chris Seufert's Flickr photostream