Clubhouse Rules

There are some strange rules in some clubhouses. Some I can kind of understand. Some I really don't get at all. And some just make me cross.

No spikes. That makes sense. They'd make a mess and ruin the carpet, and no-one would like that.

No mobile phones. Hmm, not so sure about that one. I went to a club recently where they have that rule. Quite a snooty club, incidentally. I assume it's because they want to create an oasis of calm, a haven from the pressures of the outside world. Maybe. My club has no rules on this, and it's not a deafening cacophony of mobile ringtones and Dom Joly-esque bellowing. Let's face it, it is quite handy, being able to ring your hapless family member to come and pick you up because you decided to get stuck into the cider three hours ago and now the bar has run out so you want to go home. It's also quite handy being able to ring your golfing partner to ask why, when they tee'd off at 9.28 and the round was probably over by 2pm, they're still not back by 6pm and why are they slurring?

And another thing. Jackets and ties. What is that all about??? How is it that I can go to a £50-a-head restaurant in Mayfair in jeans, but I can't have some prawns marie-rose and chicken-in-sauce without dressing up like it's some kind of interview? Who goes anywhere in a jacket and tie, except work? Some people don't even go to work in a jacket and tie. You tell me how that's not pointless wankiness.

Golf clubs are good at pointless wankiness.

(Photo courtesy of by absoblogginlutely on Flickr)

Red Tees not necessarily red. Or for women.

I don't know a lot about golf.

I just play golf. A lot. Not especially well. Just frequently.
I know enough to know when I don't know and need to ask. The learning curve isn't as steep now as in my first year, but there's still a lot I don't know about golf.

That's ok, I can live with that. That's one of the things I like about golf actually - you're always learning.

However, one of life's certainties is that women play off the red tees. The red tees, which are further forward than the men's yellows, which are further forward than the men's competition whites. Ok, so the colours might vary (I've never seen it, but I don't play a lot of courses) and there might be extra tees (like the 'Tiger' tees, or junior tees), but basically, women play off the reds.

So the discovery that out there in the universe there are places where this isn't the case has come as a bit of a shock. It's a whole different thing out there. I've discovered that in America, women can choose which tees they want to play from. Initially I thought that meant they could choose to play from the men's tees. But further investigation uncovers the fact that men can also choose which tees they want to play from. And that there might be five colours to choose from! Here, take a look at this example. How mental is that??

My information is that there are sometimes indications about which tees are suitable for which handicaps, but not always. So I suppose you just pick from the yardage.

This throws up a whole host of problems to my mind, but if that's the way they run it over there I can only assume it works. Still, I'm happy knowing where I stand, and that's in between the two red pegs.

(Photo courtesy of foxypar4's photostream)

More crocodile-related news

OK it's an alligator. Same difference. In Golf We Trust mentions a chap in Florida who unwisely went looking for lake balls. (Did he ignore warnings to be 'cautious'?) The 8-foot 'gator grabbed him by the arm for a bit of Come Dancing, though he was miraculously able to shake the chomping killing machine off. 

Meanwhile I'm not planning on playing golf in Florida, Australia or anywhere there are leathery toothy people-eaty kind of reptiles lurking in the lakes trying to take people for death rolls.